Embrace the Uncertainty

This was previously written last year and edited for content.

I, for one, need to follow the advice I give to everyone.

Embrace the uncertainty. 

Instead the uncertainty of things makes me unsettled and feeling like a failure, times a million.

I do have other cards I was dealt that I was extremely fortunate enough to have. A loving boyfriend, air in my lungs and hope. The hope that no matter how pissed off I am after a hard, unsettled night because of what I did or did not do ( and most likely did not do) the sun always does rise in the morning. Thanks Tom Hanks (Castaway)

I have to embrace the uncertainty. That everything I did up until this moment, was exactly what I needed to do and what was meant for me to have a long, fulfilling life ahead. I am about to turn 29 years old. There will be no more time limits.

Society tells you all the time what and who you need to be and if you don’t have it together by a certain age, forget it, you’re doomed. I’ve lost so much time, agonizing over my life’s decisions. I can’t do that to myself anymore. I deserve to be and feel free. Certain aspects of my life have hurt me more than helped me grow and fear has inhibited me from leaving which is what I should have done a long, long, long time ago. But that would have led me to other places and I probably would have never met my boyfriend.

I have such a supportive boyfriend. I am truly lucky. It’s now over a happy year of dating, I could tell him the worst thing(I think is) about me and he just looks at me with ease and is just kind of like “okay, what else hurts?” Anything I tell him about me doesn’t phase him or hurt him (well it probably hurts him that I’m hurting) but he always finds a way to make the worst thing possible, able to live with… and possible. And he makes it okay, each and every time. I’ve even gone as far as saying some really crazy things and he just understands me and deals with my madness. Another sign when you truly know in your gut and bones that you found someone so good, he was actually meant just for you (and yes, it’s possible to find that person). He makes the pain livable, because in his eyes, it’s okay. His opinion means a lot to me and I am very fortunate to have been dealt such an amazing card. He’s my soulmate. He’s my hope to living a long, fulfilling life.

So hope. Hope to better things, being able to be free and embrace the uncertainty. I would love to get married someday and make some babies with the love of my life. I just have to start learning how to be more easy on myself. I don’t give myself any credit for the hell that I have endured over the years. So many times, my life wasn’t truly lived and has ended for me many, many times but I have always prevailed. Nothing in life is set in stone. It’s okay if I don’t have it all together.

It’s okay to embrace the uncertainty.

“The greatest tragedy in life is to believe yourself a failure if you do not follow the path that society demands you march.” -Unknown

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