I have learned so much since turning 29 years old at the end of April. I learned my strength and my humility, I’ve come to accept more things that haven’t gone my way and I’ve learned to appreciate and be blessed for the little that I do have that does truly mean everything to me.
I am currently searching for my calling. I’m staying hopeful, praying as usual and counting my blessings because those far exceed the things I don’t have or even need.
I do not have a big friends circle and barely have any family members besides the family I live with and that used to bother me extremely. I get sad sometimes thinking why I wasn’t good enough to have more friends and family but in the end, that’s something that they will have to live with, not me. I realized that I was always and forever trying to change who I was as a person to fit their mold into liking me. Truth is, I’m pretty much who I will be for the rest of my life… and if people don’t want to be my friend then that’s their loss. Most people that I know who I’m dying for them to just notice me are too full of themselves anyways to even take the time to get to know me, especially when we have like 99 out of 100 things in common. But I’m not going to chase you and I am certainly done trying…. it’s their loss that they don’t want me in their life more often. That just means there’s no place for you in my life either. Friendships are supposed to be two ways, give and take. I used to always be the only one sacrificing everything to just hang out. As I’ve gotten older, especially these last few months, I’m so tired of carrying that dead weight around and on me for the last ten years or so. So as I have always said, if you don’t need me then I certainly don’t have a place for you in my life. Even family. Maybe someday I’ll get a solid friend or two but for now, I’m okay. I’m no longer carrying around dead weight of trying to fulfill what everybody else wants me to be. As far as my family goes, their loss as well. I hope there will come a time when certain people come forward to apologize for betraying me and I do believe and pray for the best of themselves and maybe I will forgive them, but for now, their loss. There was absolutely zero reason for you to walk out on my life but that’s not my weight to carry around anymore. Bye for now.
As for my personal life, I am blessed. I am thankful. That part of my life is a pure dream. To have found someone who is just like me, and just loves me for me, my whole being and I don’t have to mold anything for him to love me. He makes me laugh every day and is just soul goodness and love. Thank you for allowing me to love you unconditionally. I promise I’ll take care of you forever. You re my true best friend and have been there with me through everything.
The last two times I have gone to the gym, I have felt incredible. I hope I can continue the streak and it will start to make me feel more better. I am looking forward to the future. Thank you God for my endless amount of blessings.
Joy and peace.