I have a feeling my blog will be about a lot of relationship finding, never settling and don’t take shit from anybody type.
I have dated many people in my twenties and let me tell you, it was not fun. It was definitely worth lessons learned and “I will never do that again” but if I could go back and minimize the catastrophes I’ve dealt with, I totally would haha
But if minimizing those catastrophes meant I would have never met the love of my love I am currently dating, then I would stick with the disasters, because the end result of all that led me to a lifetime of absolute bliss, with the man of my dreams. I swear I dreamed of being with him all the time. And when things and people and relationships aren’t giving you what you want, you have to leave that rut you’re in and go find what you are truly worth and with someone who will tell you every single day, a thousand times a day, how much you’re loved and how much you are worth.
So I guess my whole point of my blog tonight was to inspire others not to settle, even if that means you’re alone for what seems like forever. Being alone sucks (sometimes) but you have to find some type of comfort within it. There was many nights I watched romantic movies praying for the guy in the movie. I was alone for a very long time because I was so fed up with men and dating and feeling like they were all the “same” and I went and did things, on my own. I even went to eat one day, on my own to see how “weird” it felt, and let me tell you, it was actually a good thing to do. You need to find that peace and comfort within your life somehow. You will also realize that when someone comes along and you may “like” them, they may or may not bring more to your life.
These are things you do not want or need in a relationship.
- Any type of abuse, this goes for anything…physical, verbal, psychological, whatever is in their head that they made up and makes you feel crazy. Yes that’s abuse. If you think it’s abuse, it is. If he hits you, break his nose and do not take him back after he comes running to your house, crying, with roses and your favorite chocolate…. True story. Anybody that truly loves you will NEVER lay a hand on you, EVER.
- They make you cut off all contact with your family and friends and says they are poison and no good for you. It’s isolation because they want you to trust them and when they hurt you, you feel like you have nobody to go to.
- They make lists of things that are wrong with you. Nobody should ever do that you, period. Nobody is perfect but if you do a good job as his girl and he doesn’t think so, screw him. You know what you do and do not do for him.
- You can never have a real discussion, or argument about anything. True story, I once was screamed at for using “too much dish soap” and when I laughed and thought he was joking and told him I would buy more dish soap, he got offended and told me he didn’t have enough money and he needed to save as much as he could. Yea, that’s a severe issue.
- Discussions and arguments are never fair. You should always be able to freely say how you feel. Yes, they may not agree with it but at least they are listening to your opinion and then you can move forward.
- You never go out on any dates….. Ever
- You are afraid of them. You should never ever afraid of the person you are with, even when you have arguments.
- Your family and friends disapprove. If they were in your shoes, you would feel the same way. So why are you different? I never listened to my mothers opinion about my ex. She hated him and couldn’t understand why… And for two years, I went back and forth with him. This was even after he chased me down the street, because I left his house after telling him to relax because I moved the foot stool….I was legitimately afraid of him and he chased me down, calling me a “bitch.” When I look back, I would shake myself why I ever went back, but I did multiple times.
- When you go on vacation with them and are actually physically afraid they will harm you in some way….oh and in my case, he did… And he called me names.
- Has a prison record, does drugs, drug dealer, any of that, you deserve better and no, they probably didn’t change for the better.
- When you go out to eat, you can’t openly and freely enjoy what you want. Oh and he doesn’t pay.
- They only want you coming to their place. And only at a certain time, if it’s always at night, leave.
- You never meet any or all of their friends
- They aren’t willing to be around and support you for the bad times.
I am actually becoming physically sick from that list, but please, take it from me. Do not settle. And do not settle for someone who belittles you and dulls your sparkle. DO NOT TAKE SHIT FROM ANYBODY. If you suddenly start dressing differently or cutting off all contact from your loved ones, get out. I knew a guy wasn’t good for me if I couldn’t wear the makeup I wanted or the bracelets I loved. I wore dark colors and would always make “pro/con lists” on my phone trying to reason with myself and convince myself it wasn’t that bad, when it was. I would probably be dead right now if I had settled on the pieces of shit I let in my life. It’s better to leave when the first red flag starts flying because sometimes it’s too late and then you have to worry about a nastier divorce and children to support. GET OUT. This goes for men too with shitty women but I’m just giving my point of view if you’re a woman.
A man that is good for you will only make you into a better woman. There will be no red flags. You will be supported, no matter what the circumstances and they will always tell you how they feel, because that is what a real man does. A real man does not cower, or is afraid of commitment to you, but is willing and trustful of your relationship. And if you have arguments, which is normal, he will always find a way to fix it. He will always be a tenfold to what you have always wanted. I prayed every night for my boyfriend. And he was everything I wanted, plus more. I knew him for awhile before we expressed our feelings but it built a really good foundation for us and a friendship that sparked a beautiful love story.
If you have to wonder where your man’s intentions are with you, they aren’t meant for you. I can’t tell you how many times I went out on dates with a guy and it was always, “not sure, not now, not happening.” No. If he isn’t sure, dump him. If he just wants sex, dump him. You’re not a piece of meat to someone who thinks with the head in their pants. If he doesn’t want you, leave and I promise you will find someone better! Or maybe you will also realize you’re better for yourself and that’s where you are meant to be. You don’t necessarily need someone else to have a fulfilling life of adventure and love and self worth. Life is shitty enough, you don’t need someone else to make things worse and more stressful. But if you want to share your life with someone, you just have to fully understand what you truly deserve in another person and he will come. If he wants you, he will tell you. He will take you on dates and treat you like the damn princess that you are. You deserve to be treated with love and kisses and your favorite things. Do not set yourself short and don’t ever settle. I promise he is out there for you.
Do not go searching for love because love will find you when it is meant to be… And if it’s meant to be, it will be.